


Never Has He Ever

by Jackdaw816



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Drinking Games, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Outing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackdaw816/pseuds/Jackdaw816
Summary: Hub lockdowns are great for juvenile drinking games and revelations of the self
Relationships: Andy Davidson/John Hart, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 43
Collections: Torchwood Fan Fests: Bingo Fest 2020





	Never Has He Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is vaguely set in the same universe as [On the Roof Again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146356), but this can also be read as standalone. The events of Exit Wounds and COE happened but ended with everyone alive, and then the team expanded! Also, the John/Andy is established. They haven't actually told anyone that they're dating, but everybody knows.
> 
> Thanks to [virtualsilver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/virtualsilver/pseuds/virtualsilver?hide_banner=true) for betaing!
> 
> Squares filled: The Hub goes on lockdown (Blackout!! Yay!!)

On average, Torchwood went into lockdown about once every quarter. Ianto had kept track, and once even done a presentation about it. (Tosh had been riveted; Mickey had fallen asleep.) Today’s lockdown was caused by Owen and Martha tossing vials in the medbay, and not catching them. 

Jack had reassured everyone that the released spores were harmless to humans. But they were very, very dangerous to sheep. And apparently, they were an allergen to some alien in John’s lineage as he kept sneezing. It was kinda cute actually, Andy thought. The big bad Time Agent sneezed like a kitten.

Point being, they were in lockdown until the spores dissipated, which Jack predicted would take all night. As all ten Torchwood employees were currently in the Hub, and there were maybe three beds, the news was met with exasperated sighs and swears. Work sleepovers were fun in theory and horrible in practice. 

Gwen suggested a game of Never Have I Ever to pass the time before bed. The idea was accepted half-heartedly until John produced a couple fifths of vodka from his hidden stash. Everyone was a lot more onboard after that, even Jack, who rarely drank. Andy didn’t drink much either, but he was curious about what some of his teammates would have to say.

Everyone gathered in the conference room, bottles of vodka on the table. They were a strange bunch, Andy mused as people pulled up chairs. Two captains, two ex-coppers, two doctors, two techies, and two… Andy wasn’t sure how to describe Ianto and Lois. PAs? General support? A more accurate term would probably be the backbone of Torchwood.

“Alright,” Gwen said once everyone was more or less comfortably seated. “Everyone hold up ten fingers. You have to put down a finger and take a drink if you’ve done what the asker says, or the asker has to take a drink and put down a finger if no one has done it. The winner is whoever has fingers left in the end.”

“We know how to play, Gwen,” Mickey said from Andy’s right. Gwen shot him a death glare.

“Wouldn’t it get confusing to use our fingers if we also have to drink?” Lois chimed in nervously. Gwen started to shoot her a glare, then paused.

“I didn’t think of that,” she admitted. “But we don’t have grapes, so-”

“I may have a solution,” Ianto said, moving to dig through a cabinet.

“Good, I hate grapes,” Owen grumped from the far end of the table.

“No one asked you, doc,” John said, leaning back in his chair. Ianto returned to the table with a decent-sized vase.

“We can use these,” Ianto said. He carefully upended the vase, sending marble-like pieces of glass scattering across the table. “Everyone take ten, and when you lose them, you can put them back in the vase.”

“Brilliant, Ianto,” Jack praised, moving to gather up his pieces. Everyone followed suit, and the empty vase was placed beside the vodka bottles.

“I’ll start, shall I?” Gwen said, eyes twinkling mischievously. She stared down Owen. “Never have I ever got a speeding ticket.” Owen groaned, tossed a marble into the vase, and reached for the vodka. Mickey and Ianto followed suit. To Andy’s surprise, Lois surrendered a marble as well.

Martha gave Jack a look. He blinked at her innocently, then flicked a marble into the vase. No one else moved, and Gwen seemed content to move on. But then Owen slammed his fist on the table.

“Oi, I’ve seen John drive! No way he hasn’t ever got a ticket,” Owen accused. All eyes turned to John, who shrugged.

“They gotta catch me first,” John said nonchalantly. Well, he hadn’t been on Earth for more than a few years, Andy supposed. Jack leaned forward with a grin.

“Gwen, do spaceship speeding tickets count?” Jack asked innocently. John’s gaze narrowed, but Gwen grinned.

“I’ll allow it.” 

Jack stared John down and smiled sweetly. John threw a marble in the vase so hard it echoed. He pouted half-heartedly as he reached for the vodka.

“I’m sorry, you got a speeding ticket… in space?” Andy asked incredulously. 

“Wasn’t in space,” John said. “But close enough.” Jack laughed across the table, and John pointed a finger at him accusingly. “You’re a bastard. You’re bloody targeting me.” Jack shrugged and smirked. Gwen cleared her throat.

“Zip it, boys. It’s Martha’s turn,” she said. Jack nodded politely in her direction, and John relaxed back into his seat. Martha smiled sweetly.

“Never have I ever…” she hesitated, eyes sweeping over her audience, calculating her best course of action, “broken a bone.” Andy sighed as he turned in his piece, but that had been a smart move. She had access to their medical records, after all. Overall, seven new marbles ended up in the vase and the bottle was passed quickly. Gwen and Martha were now the only ones with all ten remaining.

Up next was Mickey. He was brief and to the point. “Never have I ever kissed Jack Harkness.” John and Ianto threw theirs in instantly. Martha and Gwen were next, followed by _Jack_ himself. Half the table gave him questioning looks.

“Well, I did,” he said, then explained no further as he took a drink. Andy let it go because now it was his turn and he had no clue what to say. He didn’t know any of them (aside from Gwen and John, of course) that well. All he knew was that they all worked for Torchwood… wait, that was it.

“Come on, Andy,” Owen called. “We’re not getting any younger here.” A few others murmured their assent, and Andy tried not to blush. John’s hand brushed against his between the arms of their chairs, a reassuring gesture, but one that definitely caused him to blush. He caught a glimpse of John’s face; a knowing look and a smile telling Andy to do his worst.

“Never have I ever shagged an alien,” Andy said, newfound confidence infusing his words. The table broke into chaos. John nodded approvingly as he tossed his chip in. Jack followed seconds after, and to Andy’s surprise, _Tosh_.

“When did you shag an alien?” Mickey demanded incredulously. 

“It was years ago. And I didn’t know she wasn’t human until after,” Tosh said, her smile bittersweet. His eyes bulged a little more at the pronoun, but before he could question it, his attention was drawn by Martha dropping a chip in the vase.

“Martha Jones!” Jack said proudly. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” She smiled while her husband stared at her in shock.

“He wasn’t that alien, but he wasn’t from Earth. Just advanced human,” she defended. Then she blushed. “ _Very_ advanced.”

“Atta girl,” John called approvingly. Across the table, Gwen frowned.

“Hold on, if we’re counting non-Earth-born humans as aliens, then Ianto needs to put one in,” Gwen said logically. Ianto huffed lightly, then complied. “And Andy’s question is invalid ‘cause he’s shagging John.” 

Time seemed to freeze, and Andy’s breath caught in his throat. Oh god, this was it. Here was the bloody risk of this game. Did he lie? Lose his token; keep his privacy. Or did he tell the truth, bare his soul to this jury of his coworkers, and risk their scorn? Maybe this wasn’t a secret he should keep.

He felt John’s hand entwine with his, a steadying gesture that Andy could kiss him for. They’d talked about this before, and he knew that no matter what he chose to do, John would be there for him. Andy took a deep breath, steeling himself.

“We’re not shagging,” Andy corrected, hating how awkward he sounded. He was met with several ‘oh really?’ looks. Of course, they didn’t believe him. John was a literal sex addict and-

“You’re holding hands under the table,” Mickey pointed out unhelpfully. Andy tried very hard not to blush and didn’t let go of John’s hand.

“I didn’t say that we weren’t together,” Andy defended. “Just that we weren’t shagging.” Jack smiled knowingly at them, of course, he was from the future. Non-standard relationships were the standard there. Gwen smiled as well, tight and awkward. Andy could tell that she was burning with questions. 

“It’s true,” John said nonchalantly. Everyone looked at him, granting Andy a brief respite from their stares. “But honestly, I don’t see why it’s any of your business. All that matters is me and him.” Andy squeezed his hand tightly, sending non-verbal thanks.

“Is it ‘cause you’re actually straight?” Owen asked, eying them both curiously. Andy shook his head.

“I’m asexual,” Andy said. And saying it aloud lifted a weight off his chest that he hadn’t realized was there. “But I’m still bi. Only romantically though.” People were nodding, although some faces were still puzzled. Andy didn’t mind. They could be confused as long as they respected that he wasn’t.

“No one here’s straight except for Mickey,” John chimed in helpfully. Mickey dipped his head in acknowledgment. There was laughter, and Gwen smiled approvingly at Andy. Lois shot him a smile as well and Andy felt light. This had gone a lot better than he had feared it would.

“I still reserve the right to threaten bodily harm if you hurt him,” Jack chimed in.

“Who are you talking about?” Tosh asked, puzzled. Jack blinked, then shrugged.

“John. I’ll leave Andy’s defense to Gwen,” he said. John blew a kiss to Jack while Andy gaped at him. Gwen glared defensively at John, then caught sight of Andy’s face and started laughing. The laughter rippled outward until even Ianto and Owen were chortling.

“Alright, alright, so Andy’s turn was valid,” Gwen said, recovering from her laughing fit and trying to regain control of the game “Whose turn is it then?”

“Mine,” John said, leaning forward and grinning maniacally. 

Andy chuckled and sat back to watch his boyfriend’s chaos ensue. Now, this was going to be a wild ride. And Andy would enjoy every second of it.

**Author's Note:**

> And then the game devolved into a big ole storm of chaos because John's a manipulative bastard with an affinity for mischief, the end

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Never Has He Ever {Podfic}](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124117) by [VoiceofBlue (Flamingbluepanda)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/VoiceofBlue)




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